I’m so sick of not being motivated…
I’m so sick of not being motivated…
Sunday, yesterday, and today…with no exercise…I’m so seriously done with letting food get the best of me it’s honestly making me feel like crap on the inside and out. I don’t understand I just don’t have any motivation or willpower to say no to my addiction which is food….
So I binged tonight…my mom went grocery shopping and bought those nutter butter cookie things like those mini ones in a resealable bags and I pretty much ate the whole bag…
I confessed to my mom what I had done and I was crying uncontrollably. I haven’t cried like that months, nor have I ever been that embarrassed.
But she was so understanding and she soothed me till I stopped crying and offered to find a counselor that specializes in BED and she said she would help me in anyway she could.
I really love my mother and everything she’s done for me. Having her support makes me feel so complete and helps me push through my crappy days. Without her I would have never achieved the weight loss I have achieved. She really is my rock.
So, I emailed my parents confessing my binge eating disorder. My mother knows I occasionally over eat but both mom and dad didn’t know the severity of it and how much food has taken over my life. I wanted them to understand why I’m so self conscious of my body and why I obsess over what I eat and everything. I get anxiety when I don’t exercise and when I binge I get so depressed.
I have finally decided to take the right steps in over coming it…
1. Write my food down…not to count calories but to observe my eating habits
2. Find healthy alternatives to binging…
3. Set goals for myself everyday not to binge
That’s all I have so far but rest assured I will find more goals and reasons not to binge. The more reasons I find the more it makes me not want to binge.
Today is the first day I restricted myself from binging. I ate my oatmeal while watching tv and I drank my water bottle and pushed all binge thoughts out of my mind. So glad I’m taking steps in the right direction.
I just binged…and I feel awful. I was doing so great last week with going to the gym and eating right and now I’m becoming lazy and not caring and binging. WHY I don’t understand. I have really good intentions but I have no willpower when it comes to food and boredom and my emotions. Where has my strength gone? I try talking to my mother about it but she doesn’t listen…she never does.
I try to confide in her I try to relate my binge eating to her addiction to cigarettes and she understands what I’m saying but when I’m asking her for help like not putting trigger foods everywhere it goes through one ear and out the other.
SO DAMN FRUSTRATED!
All I do is think about eating and that’s what I do. I just don’t have that willpower over my mind…
1. Thinks about food 24/7
2. Hides good in their room or when someone enters the room they’re in.
3. Consumes large amounts of calories in one sitting.
4. Eats small in front of people but eats large amounts when alone.
5. Usually binges at night
Yes, I’m a binge eater.
I binged today…I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I’m really disappointed but everyone makes mistakes right? Can’t dwell on the past just look forward.
I binged today…not really sure how I feel about it. I mean obviously I’m upset and I can’t believe I allowed myself to do it.
It’s like every time I binge I hate it before during an after I do it. I don’t enjoy it. But it’s an addiction.
I haven’t binged in awhile and in disappointed in myself…